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範例作者:出自「國立政治大學外交研究所」研究所學生申請美國入學Essay題目

 

原文:

Early Morning Activity

 

        Everyday before dawn breaks, there are some people gathering around the town square of the local temple located in the center of Fongyuan, Taiwan. That square, which has been planted with camphor trees surrounding the side of the square, is as tiny as a basketball field. Even though it is not spacious, it is a good place when the residents in the community nearby begin their vigorous life.






經TPS潤修:

 

Early Morning Activity Exercise (more specific)

 

Everyday Each morning before dawn breaks, there are some a group of people gathersing around in the town square of the a local temple located in the center of Fongyuan City, Taiwan. That square, which has been planted with camphor trees surrounding the side of the square, is as tiny as a basketball field. Bordered on four sides by fragrant [adj. “fragrant” adds a sensory detail] camphor trees, the square is no larger than a basketball court. Even though Although [“although” is more concise] it is not spacious, it is a good place when the residents in the community nearby for community residents to begin their vigorous life day.

 

 

潤修後文章:

Early Morning Exercise

 

Each morning before dawn, a group of people gathers in the square of a local temple in the center of Fongyuan City, Taiwan. Bordered on four sides by fragrant camphor trees, the square is no larger than a basketball court. Although it is not spacious, it is a good place for community residents to begin their day.





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