0822 Brevity: Valuing Each Word-Answer and Explanation 簡潔準則:惜字如金 正確解答

2011-08-23
Answer: We believe the best revision is… “The prisoners in the most distant camps were mistreated by their guards and many of them starved to death.”

This sentence reduces the word count to 19 from 22 by substituting three words, “starved to death,” for six words, “expired from lack of physical sustenance.” There probably is little argument that the new rendering of the sentence is superior. Why, then, do writers often go the wordier route to make a point about death? They do so either to express the special significance of a particular death event—after all, death always is significant—or to express the thought in a way they believe is more memorable.
將原本 “expired from lack of physical sustenance”( 因缺乏身體營養斷氣)換為 “starved to death”(餓死)後,句子字數由 22 個字縮短為 19 個字,新的句子無疑優於原句。說起來,為什麼許多作者提及死亡時多半文句冗長?因為他們想表達死亡這件事很重要,死亡意義更是重大,或者想用更令人難忘的方式表達。

Sometimes they succeed in this. Not this time. To say the prisoners “expired from lack of physical sustenance” is not pleasing or moving to read; “expired” and “physical sustenance” are stilted and colorless euphemisms. Writers also sometimes ignore simpler sentence construction or more direct language for another reason: They want to avoid repetitive use of words or phrases. While that is not a bad motive for a thoughtful writer, if the result is bloated or vapid expression, it is a bad choice.
有時這些表達確實令人印象深刻,但此句不然,描寫犯人 “expired from lack of physical sustenance”(因缺乏身體營養斷氣),讀來既不討喜也不感人,“expired”(斷氣)和 “physical sustenance”(身體營養)都是委婉語,聽來做作又無趣。此外,有時句構複雜、用字拐彎抹角,是為了避免用字重複。這麼想確實思慮周延,用意良好,但若造成字數浮濫、了無生氣,就不是理想作法。

Please note: To write “many of them starved,” rather than “many of them starved to death” does not work. The last two words are not redundant. Neglected and persecuted captives can be starved for years and yet emerge alive at the end of their captivity. Hunger is not a killer until a level of undernourishment actually shuts down body systems. In the same sense, writers should strive to write shortly and directly, but not so severely that pertinent information is sacrificed.
注意不要將 “starved to death”( 餓死) 改為 “starved”( 挨餓),“to death” 兩字是必要的。囚犯若受到忽視、迫害,可能挨餓多年,但刑期結束時仍能生還。飢餓不會致人於死,除非過度營養不良導致身體器官無法運作。寫作時要盡可能簡短直接,但不能因過於簡短而犧牲相關訊息。

Last Update at 2011-08-23 AM 11:34 | 0 Comments

0822 Brevity: Valuing Each Word-Win Your NTD200 7-11/Starbucks Prize! 簡潔準則:惜字如金 有機會獲得價值200元統一超商/星巴克咖啡禮券!

2011-08-22
The best writing doesn’t waste words. It employs words efficiently. The first TPS Fan to complete the sentence below as we believe it should be completed will win a NTD200 7-11 / Starbucks Gift Certificate. Another Starbucks certificate will be awarded to the first Fan to complete it in an alternate way that, in our estimation, also is effective. The explanation and the names of the winners will be published tomorrow on this TPS Fans page. Each brevity rule is contained in 10 Ways to Shorten & Strengthen Your Academic Paper and will be posted on the TPS Fan page as introduced.
最佳的寫作,必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出新專欄,請你寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。題目刊登於下方,經TPS編輯教授評選為第1位最適解答的粉絲,可獲得統一超商/星巴克咖啡NTD200元的購物禮券;增設特別獎1名,獎項給予提出符合句意又別具創意之解答的粉絲。解答與獲獎的粉絲姓名,將於明天公佈於本TPS專頁。每一項簡潔準則,皆收錄於TPS新推出之「十大簡潔英文準則」,將定期刊登本專欄,敬請密切鎖定、先睹為快。

Rule # 8: Use direct, simple language… An academic writer can tighten his paper, reduce word count, and connect more securely with a reader by opting for direct and simple language. In the sentence below, the writer did not write with directness. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger by using simpler language?
十大簡潔英文準則八:用字簡單,直截了當
寫作學術文章若用字簡單、直接,能使文章更簡潔、減少字數,讓讀者更容易理解。下列句子用字遣詞不夠直接,該如何使用更簡單的詞語,才能讓此句更精簡有力?

題目 Contest Sentence:

“The prisoners in the most distant camps were mistreated by their guards and many of them expired from lack of physical sustenance.”

Last Update at 2011-08-22 AM 10:05 | 0 Comments

This is not academic writing 學術文章不是這麼寫的

2011-08-18
並非所有與學術議題相關的文章,就能稱之為「學術文章」。本篇專欄將節錄不同學術議題的內容,分析常見的寫作錯誤,並分享潤修與寫作的技巧。
Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. In this "This is not academic writing" column we examine short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被認可的文章

“Political science studies government, and thoroughly examines nations and the institutions that guide and direct them. As a society grows older and incorporates more of its citizens in political decisions, the science also expands. New attention is paid to cultural and social blocs that come into being and begin to influence how government operates and how a general public relates to their government. A primary concern of political science is power and how one organized center of public influence develops and imposes its will upon another organized center of public influence.”

This paragraph about the social science dealing with politics contains near-misses in word choices. For example, it is not accurate to say political science “studies government.” The study also explores political parties, interest groups, and the mechanisms of public authority. It also is wrong to say political science studies “nations,” because political science also focuses on jurisdictions within a nation. The phrase “guide and direct” is mostly redundant and trite. After the word “expands,” a semi-colon is better used than a period because the following sentence actually expands on the previous one; the sentences are closely related. Can you spot the errant pronoun in one sentence? How else might the paragraph be improved?
這段文章與社會科學有關,討論的是政治,用字遣詞上有許多「擦邊球」。例如,說政治學「研究政府」並不正確,因為政治學也研究政黨、利益團體,以及政府的機制。說政治學研究國家 (nations) 也有問題,因為政治學也關注一國內部的司法。片語 “guide and direct” 基本上是多餘的陳腔濫調。“expands” 一字後最好不要接逗號,改接分號,因為其後的句子其實進一步詳述了前一個句子;兩個句子關係密切。此外,你看得出有個句子的代名詞有問題嗎?本段還可以如何修改呢?

Acceptable 認可的文章

“Political science studies public governance, and empirically and analytically examines states and their institutions. As a society matures and incorporates more of its citizenry in political decisions, the science also expands; new attention is paid to cultural and social blocs that arise to influence how government operates and a general public relates to its government. A primary concern of political science is power and how one political unit imposes its will upon another political unit.”

Last Update at 2011-08-18 AM 10:17 | 0 Comments

6 Tips in Preparing to Write Your Dissertation Tip 5: Crystallize a topic choice, and determine if it is researchable and manageable 論文撰寫六大準備技巧五:釐清主題,確定內容與範圍適合研究

2011-08-17
取得碩博士學位的最終步驟是完成論文,然而,撰寫論文的過程通常是既漫長又嚴謹的長期抗戰。本次學術專欄特別推出「論文撰寫六大準備技巧」,幫助你做好準備工作,順利完成論文。每一項準備技巧,將定期刊登於本專欄。
The final step in earning many master and doctorate degrees is completion of a thesis or dissertation. The process involved typically is lengthy and exacting. Following is one of 6 recommendations to help you get started on your dissertation in such a way that you can successfully complete it. Each tip in the series will appear on the TPS Fans page.

Tip # 5 – Crystallize a topic choice, and determine if it is researchable and manageable
釐清主題,確定內容與範圍適合研究

The final criterion in choosing a topic is, how well does it advance your candidacy for a degree? A topic sometimes appeals because it is not challenging enough, neither challenging your research skills, nor your peers’ intellect. The Council of Graduate Schools (an American. organization with affiliate members around the world) says a dissertation must “demonstrate breadth of scholarship, depth of research, and ability to investigate problems independently.” It also must significantly contribute to a body of scholarship. An easy topic will misserve you.
選擇主題最後一個標準,就是判斷該主題是否能讓你更有資格取得學位。有時候主題看來吸引人是因為不夠困難,無法激發你的研究技巧或激盪學術同儕的腦力。研究所委員會(美國組織,分會遍布全球)表示,一篇博士論文必須能「展現學識廣度、研究深度,以及獨立研究問題的能力」,同時必須對學識有重大貢獻;太簡單的主題無法展現你的能力。

Like any other academic writing, a dissertation reveals how well a writer can analyze raw research data and reports, interpret them fairly and correctly, and then bring together the material into a synergistic document. These research and composition skills are best displayed when the material being plumbed is deep enough to truly warrant “analysis.” Artfully restating what is obvious and shallow is not the same as critical discovery and original reporting. A chosen topic should lead to revelation and surprise, or at least to compelling fresh evidence.
論文就像其他學術文章,能展露作者是否善於分析原始資料與報告、公平正確的解釋,並綜合所有資料精華、加以發揮。要展現研究與寫作技巧,研究題材必須有深度,值得「分析」。投機取巧,把顯而易見、膚淺的內容換句話說,無法稱得上是重要發現與或原創研究報告。研究者所選的主題應該能帶來啟發或新意,起碼也要產生有說服力的新證據。

Finally, a chosen topic must be practicable in respect to the methodology used to produce it. An ethnographic study that requires actual assimilation into a foreign culture might not be possible for logistical reasons. An experiment requiring years of blind studies probably won’t work because of time constraints, whereas a survey often is suitable, or a case study, or exhaustive historical research. A topic often dictates methodology, which in turn can determine the feasibility of a topic. When choosing a topic, realistically determine if it can be accomplished.
最後,主題必須在研究方法上切實可行。稍加思索可預知,採用民族誌研究法,研究者必須實際融入外國文化,並不切實;由於時間限制,需要進行多年盲性試驗的實驗方法也不太可行,通常適合的是調查法、個案研究法或詳盡的歷史研究。研究方法多半依主題而定,也能反過來用以判斷主題是否適合研究。選擇主題時必須實事求是,判斷它是否具研究價值並能順利完成。

Last Update at 2011-08-17 AM 10:29 | 0 Comments

0815 TPS Spot the Error Contest-Answer and Explanation 你是挑錯的高手嗎? 正確解答

2011-08-16
Answer: “their” should be “his.”

“A stallion can sleep on its feet, but a human male cannot lock the joints of his knees and stay upright while in a sleep mode.”

Error: The writer was lulled, either by political correctness or by the plurality of surrounding words, and used the pronoun “their” instead of “his.” The phrase “the joints of their knees…” sounds grammatically correct by itself. But whose knees and joints are being discussed? Those of “a human male.” Hence, the knees are “his.” In recent decades, some linguists have tried to abandon “his” and “her” in some locutions so as not to offend the feminine gender, resulting in such awkward phrasing as, “A student typically learns from their own mistakes.” In such situations, the better idea is to rewrite a sentence inoffensively without violating grammatical rules.
作者可能為了維護政治正確而措詞用語稍加修正,或受到複數名詞的誤導,因此不用 “his” 而用 “their” 作代名詞。「他們的膝蓋關節」看來文法無誤,但他們究竟是誰?不就是「人類男性」(a human male) 嗎?所以應該用「他的」膝蓋關節才對。近數十年來,有些語言學家想廢除 “his” 與 “her” 兩種代名詞,以避免冒犯女性,卻使措辭顯得拙劣,例如:「一個學生通常從他們的錯誤中學習」。此時最好重寫句子,不違反文法規則,也避免冒犯他人。

Last Update at 2011-08-16 AM 10:31 | 0 Comments

0815 TPS Spot the Error Contest-Win Your NTD200 7-11/Starbucks Prize! 你是挑錯的高手嗎? 有機會獲得200元統一超商/星巴克咖啡禮券!

2011-08-15
下列的句子中,包含了一個錯誤,可能是文法、拼法或是標點符號的錯誤。我們將提供統一超商/星巴克咖啡NTD200元的購物禮券,給予今天前三名挑出正確錯誤、寫出正確答案的粉絲。正確的解答與獲獎的粉絲姓名,將於明天公佈於本TPS的專頁。請將你的答案寫在下方,獲得免費購物禮券的幸運兒可能就是你哦!
The sentence below contains 1 grammatical, spelling and/or punctuation error. The first three (3) TPS Fans to respond with the corrected sentence will win a NTD200 7-11/Starbucks Gift Certificate. The corrected sentence and the names of the winners will be published tomorrow on this TPS Fans page. Please post your answers below. Good luck!

題目Contest Sentence:

“A stallion can sleep on its feet, but a human male cannot lock the joints of their knees and stay upright while in a sleep mode.”

Last Update at 2011-08-15 AM 10:30 | 0 Comments

What does that mean? 你真的瞭解這個慣用語嗎?

2011-08-11
很多字詞並非表面所見的意思,字詞的組合會產生不同的解釋。這樣的慣用法,我們稱之為「比喻」。一個成功的比喻,作者本身必須相當瞭解字詞的源起。以下的句子為讀者介紹一個比喻及其來源。
Imagery buries itself in language and takes on new meaning. The transplanted and transformed sets of words are called “figures of speech.” For a figure of speech to be effective, however, a writer must first understand the original meaning of the phrase. The following sentence contains a common figure of speech. Its original meaning is explained.

“The guinea pigs, released from confinement at the end of the sixth hour, barreled through the gate and into the common area.”
天竺鼠在關了六個小時後被放出來,像圓桶滾動般擠出柵門,進入公共空間。

A barrel is a round container, longer than it is wide, usually bulging somewhat in the middle, with flat ends. When placed on its side, it will roll fairly easily because its bulging middle is mostly all that is in contact with the surface. However, for the same reason, a barrel rolls unsteadily and is susceptible to rocking from side to side, its path irregular. For all of these reasons, barrels on a roll are formidable objects—relatively heavy, erratic in their movement, and potentially damaging to any obstacles encountered.
圓桶是圓柱狀的長形容器,通常中間部分隆起,兩端較為窄平。側放時僅中央隆起處接觸地面,因此很容易滾動,但滾動時不平穩,搖搖晃晃,路徑不固定。所以,滾動中的圓桶既沉重且行動難以捉摸,物體遭碰撞時還可能受損傷,相當危險。

The author of the sentence described the movement of a group of excited guinea pigs in terms of barrel movement, saying the animals “barreled through the gate.” That is to say, the animals—which had been constrained—responded to freedom by rushing through a doorway into an open area in pell-mell fashion, moving hastily and in confusion. That they “barreled” their way suggests the animals bumped into one another, squeezed into and popped out the doorway, and crashed into barriers—all in a disorderly mass. Like barrels sent rolling downhill.
作者用滾動的圓桶形容一群亢奮的天竺鼠「像圓桶滾動般擠出柵門」(barreled through the gate),這群動物原本被關著,一獲得自由,就一股腦兒的通過出入口,匆匆忙忙,一片混亂。「像圓桶滾動般」(barreled) 表示天竺鼠互相碰撞、在出入口推擠、碰撞到柵欄、凌亂失序,就像紛紛滾下坡的圓桶一樣。

Last Update at 2011-08-11 PM 4:01 | 0 Comments

Professor Pedantic 教授的考究學問

2011-08-10
TPS的編輯教授在此歡迎關於學術文章的所有詢問,當然,其實他並沒有足夠的時間給你。他擁有終身教職的教授身份,也是著名的學術巨作作者。即便如此,他仍大方地接受你們的詢問。將關於學術方面的詢問寫在下方,你將獲得教授的親自指導,陶冶對學術的探索與啟發。
The professor awaits your query on academic writing, though in all honesty, he doesn’t have a lot of time for you. He is a tenured full professor, after all, and working on yet another magnificent academic tome. Even so, he has graciously consented to entertain your question. Submit it and prepare to be edified.

QUESTION: I write pretty good papers… sometimes. Other times, I hand in plodding, dull papers that embarrass me, papers that I wouldn’t hand in at all were a deadline not upon me. Any ideas on how I can do my best writing all the time?
我寫的論文有時候很不錯,但有時候卻很單調乏味,讓我很不好意思,要不是截稿時間到了,根本不想交出去。怎樣才能一直寫出最好的文章?

If you happen upon an answer to your question, patent it (and legally defend your patent); you will make a fortune. That’s because consistent excellence in writing of any kind is among the holiest of grails. So I commend you for your quest; critically examining your work is a very good first step in realizing it. As a rule, self-examination is better than being guided too much by the opinions of others, because acceptance and excellence are not always the same. The goal for an academic scholar is acceptance and excellence.
關於這個問題,如果你找到答案,別忘了申請專利並用法律保護它,你會大賺一筆。不管何種寫作,能持續寫出出色的作品就像找到最神聖的聖盃,你的追尋值得表揚,而追尋的第一步就是認真檢視自己的作品。比起過度遵循他人意見,立下規矩自我檢查更重要,因為能被接受的文章與傑出的文章不同。學術寫作不僅要寫出讓人接受的文章,還要精益求精。

Guidelines to help a writer consistently submit superior academic papers start with a writer wanting to maintain a high personal standard. Human nature seems to be for us to coast on success rather than to work to sustain its momentum. Don’t expect less of a paper than that it contain indisputable logic, fluid organization, substantial content, and conspicuously good word choices. Those are the markers of excellence. Settling for less than that means settling for a mediocre paper. It really is that simple.
若想持續寫出優秀的文章,作者首先必須保持高規格的個人標準,即使人性似乎傾向順水推舟,而非持續追求卓越。你必須要求自己,務求論文邏輯嚴謹、組織流暢、內容充實,遣詞用字無可挑剔,也就是具備傑出文章的特色。若對標準妥協,就表示對平庸的文章妥協,就這麼簡單。

But here is the rest of the story: Writers are individuals with unique cycles of creativity and peculiar work habits. Motivation, inspiration, and creation come together in many different combinations. If you think and write best in the morning—or sitting by the ocean—that is when or where you need to write. Don’t try to fool your muse. Also, write when you are rested; dozing is for dreaming, not thinking. Write when your biorhythms and externals come together for you. Know yourself and how you best write.
除此之外,每位作者都有獨特的創意發想週期與特定的工作習慣。動機、靈感、創意有各種不同的配合方式,如果你在早上思考和寫作的效率最好,或者坐在海邊效果最佳,你就應該在那個時間與地點寫作,不要想騙過你的靈感女神。另外,休息夠了再寫,想打瞌睡時應該去睡覺,而不是動腦,寫作應該配合生理節奏與外在條件。你應該了解自己,明白在什麼情況下寫作最為順利。

Last Update at 2011-08-10 AM 11:06 | 0 Comments

0808 Brevity: Valuing Each Word-Answer and Explanation 簡潔準則:惜字如金 正確解答

2011-08-09
Answer: We believe the best revision is…We believe the best revision is… “For 30 years, the U.S. space shuttle program gave American astronauts and scientists a reliable vehicle for conducting orbital explorations.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為We believe the best revision is… “For 30 years, the U.S. space shuttle program gave American astronauts and scientists a reliable vehicle for conducting orbital explorations.”

This suggested revision reduces the word count to 20 from 22, which doesn’t seem like much perhaps. However, it also reduces the character count to 120 from 133, which is nearly 10 percent lower. A 10 percent shorter paper is measurably and significantly more concise. While the worth of a paper is not measured in total characters or pages or pounds, neither is it characterized by verbosity, long words, or imprecise language. Brevity, in the end, is mostly measured in the satisfaction of reader and writer.
照著建議修改片語措辭後,字數由 22 個字降為 20 個字,看來或許不多,但字母數從 133 降為 120,減少將近百分之十。文章字數減少百分之十,顯然更為簡潔。雖然文章好壞不能從總字母數、頁數或書本重量衡量,但冗長、用字多而不精確,無法成就一篇好文章。用字是否簡潔,多半可從讀者與作者是否滿意文章看出來。

The sentence as originally written is accurate. To be exact, space shuttles roared into space for three decades, two months and 26 days, the last flight occurring in July of this year. Yet in the context of this sentence, such detail would serve no purpose. It is accurate enough to stipulate that the shuttles flew “for 30 years.” One of the judgments academic writers must make on every page of every paper they write is how to balance the amount of detail with the pace and flow of the narrative.
原本的句子沒有錯誤;精確來說,太空梭升空的歷史已經有三十年兩個月又二十六天,最近一次發射在今年七月。不過在本句中,這些細節並沒有意義,只需說明太空梭歷史有「三十年」就夠了。作者在寫作學術論文時,每一頁都得判斷如何平衡細節多寡與敘事的節奏與連貫。

The other element in precise phrasing is research. Research adds to knowledge of a subject and knowledge contributes to brevity. Were a paper referring to economic activity in Zhuhai, there would be no benefit in writing “on the southern coast of China north of Macau…” when research produces a pinpoint reference—“in Zhuhai” or “in Guangdong Province.” Imprecise phrases often are the result of inadequate or lazy research, which an alert professor will quickly pick up on and mark down.
想要精確使用片語/詞組必須先進行一番研究,以便更了解主題,讓用字更簡潔。例如文章若提到珠海的經濟活動,多作一些研究能讓寫作更精確,不必寫「在中國南岸、澳門北方…」,直接點出「在珠海」或「在廣東省」即可。片語/詞組用字的不精確,多半來自於研究不確實或馬虎,機敏的教授一眼就能看穿,直接記上一筆。

Last Update at 2011-08-09 PM 2:58 | 0 Comments

0808 Brevity: Valuing Each Word-Win Your NTD200 7-11/Starbucks Prize! 簡潔準則:惜字如金 有機會獲得價值200元統一超商/星巴克咖啡禮券!

2011-08-08
The best writing doesn’t waste words. It employs words efficiently. The first TPS Fan to complete the sentence below as we believe it should be completed will win a NTD200 7-11 / Starbucks Gift Certificate. Another Starbucks certificate will be awarded to the first Fan to complete it in an alternate way that, in our estimation, also is effective. The explanation and the names of the winners will be published tomorrow on this TPS Fans page. Each brevity rule is contained in 10 Ways to Shorten & Strengthen Your Academic Paper and will be posted on the TPS Fan page as introduced.
最佳的寫作,必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出新專欄,請你寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。題目刊登於下方,經TPS編輯教授評選為第1位最適解答的粉絲,可獲得統一超商/星巴克咖啡NTD200元的購物禮券;增設特別獎1名,獎項給予提出符合句意又別具創意之解答的粉絲。解答與獲獎的粉絲姓名,將於明天公佈於本TPS專頁。每一項簡潔準則,皆收錄於TPS新推出之「十大簡潔英文準則」,將定期刊登本專欄,敬請密切鎖定、先睹為快。

Rule # 7: Use precise phrases… An academic writer can tighten his paper, reduce word count, and connect more securely to a reader with phrasing that is appropriately exacting. In the sentence below, the writer was not precise in formulating a phrase about time. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger through more precise phrasing?
十大簡潔英文準則七:精確片語
寫作學術文章若能恰當使用精確的片語,能使文章更簡潔、減少字數,讓讀者更容易理解。下列句中時間片語並不精確,要如何精確使用片語,才能讓此句更精簡有力?

題目 Contest Sentence:

“For more than three decades, the U.S. space shuttle program gave American astronauts and scientists a reliable vehicle for conducting orbital explorations.”

Last Update at 2011-08-08 AM 9:57 | 0 Comments